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How the World Stacks Up According to the Ratings Man
If rating everything in existence is wrong, he doesn't want to be right.
Created on 2004-11-16 03:22:58 (#5162814), last updated 2004-11-18
3 comments received, 2 comments posted
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Basic Info| Name: | The Ratings Man |
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BioThere is nothing in this world that cannot be judged on its merits and flaws and given a number to summarize a person's thoughts on it. The Ratings Man knows this.
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In order to dispel the errant quandaries of the many cheeky young bloggers who will no doubt tread on this space on their long journey across the Internet, The Ratings Man - never one for modesty - awards himself a 9.8 out of 10, voluntarily shorting himself a couple of decimal points to account for any character flaws people may think they have found in him. (Intense scrutiny by a number of expert psychologists has proven that he in fact has none, but in some rare cases it is simply more beneficial to allow people to continue thinking that they have discovered an absolute truth about something so that the fragile worldview they have taken so much time and care to construct will not fall to ruin like a house of cards in a hurricane. Besides, the Ratings Man is a strong advocate of the adage "to each his own", and is willing to forgive anyone who would place him at an 8, a 7, a 5, or even a 3 on his 10-point scale. But not people who give him a 1, because it's very likely that they're just being ornery for the sake of being ornery, and for their behavior these recursive 1-givers should be sentenced to a non-lethal form of punishment that makes the Ratings Man laugh - hopefully involving electricity and concentrated beams of light. However, since this punishment is unlikely to ever be exacted upon any specific individual, the Ratings Man will settle for using his webspace to call any such person a "stupidhead", a name he rates a 7.7 for its elegant simplicity and its fusion of two decidedly childish words into one surefire name-calling comedy gem.)
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The Ratings Man gives his LiveJournal biography a 7.1.
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In order to dispel the errant quandaries of the many cheeky young bloggers who will no doubt tread on this space on their long journey across the Internet, The Ratings Man - never one for modesty - awards himself a 9.8 out of 10, voluntarily shorting himself a couple of decimal points to account for any character flaws people may think they have found in him. (Intense scrutiny by a number of expert psychologists has proven that he in fact has none, but in some rare cases it is simply more beneficial to allow people to continue thinking that they have discovered an absolute truth about something so that the fragile worldview they have taken so much time and care to construct will not fall to ruin like a house of cards in a hurricane. Besides, the Ratings Man is a strong advocate of the adage "to each his own", and is willing to forgive anyone who would place him at an 8, a 7, a 5, or even a 3 on his 10-point scale. But not people who give him a 1, because it's very likely that they're just being ornery for the sake of being ornery, and for their behavior these recursive 1-givers should be sentenced to a non-lethal form of punishment that makes the Ratings Man laugh - hopefully involving electricity and concentrated beams of light. However, since this punishment is unlikely to ever be exacted upon any specific individual, the Ratings Man will settle for using his webspace to call any such person a "stupidhead", a name he rates a 7.7 for its elegant simplicity and its fusion of two decidedly childish words into one surefire name-calling comedy gem.)
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The Ratings Man gives his LiveJournal biography a 7.1.
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